OASIS by SabrinaFair*

I have an audition for an acting school in a week. I have no idea how to prepare or what I am going to read for my monologues. I've known about this audition for months, and yet I kept putting it in the back of my mind. My theory is that, there is a certain amount of procrastination pressure that I emotionally respond very well too, that might actually help in my performance. That bare, raw emotion, that is so vulnerable, alive and real. So I've taken off a week from my very hip party job, to prepare in hopes that something will surprise me and the judges of my piece. I'm not worried, yet. When I perform it gives me an escape from all the thoughts in my head, all the self conscious ways I've become to aware of. It's the flight or fight of a healthy amount of pressure. It's raining here....I love summer rain. When I don't have to be outside in it of course. I feel refreshed by rain and alive when I feel a large boom of thunder. Being in New York, I feel so di

Every few months I go through this feeling of stagnancy. I get bored, or I start to feel lost, or in need of that next whatever. These days I have a pretty cool job, I've been to some fancy places, met some fancy people, and I get paid to look good and be cute, but of course that aching feeling of "something missing" always comes back. At this point, I've just come to realize, that this is just me. I need continual growth and the sense of flowing along. I'll always be searching for something. A new image, a new project, a soulful trip somewhere, a new hobby etc. But the thing is, I want to be a master at something as well. I just keep wondering is it possible to do both, be a jack of all trades and a master of at least one or two. Or am I continuing to bite off more than I can chew as usual. Today, I was miserable. It was 103 degrees here in NYC, I felt ugly and disgusting with no AC really. The only thing that made it slightly bearable is my new very enthusiastic